Coping with the Killings: 5 Things NOT to Do
I have about 7 drafts right now, of topics for the month of May that I intended to write about weeks ago. I meant to write about thriving in the 9–5. I have drafts on healthy living, competing in a bodybuilding show, things I’ve learned from playing a team sport, and as a manager at work. Like most people these days, I had a plan but I had to pivot.
I have pondered for days about what to post; how to contribute to the discussion without simply regurgitating information, reposting ideas, or promulgating a narrative of victimhood.
I’ve written poems from a place of fiery anger and deep sadness, that are not representative of who I am. I’ve avoided publishing said poems for fear that they could come back to haunt me in today’s internet age.
I even entertained the idea of not writing any article at all this month, but #Can’tStopWon’tStop. None of us should stop.
- Don’t stop talking about it and being about it 3,6,9 months or years from now. Assuming there is no justice, let there be no rest. Keep being mad. Keep making waves.
“Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about change.” — Malcolm X
Don’t stop voting in local elections for candidates who will bring about change. Don’t stop writing to government officials to voice your concerns. Don’t stop doing your part in all the other items on the list below.
2. Don’t stop winning. Every. Single. COVID Morning I’ve played this song on a loop as I’ve stood in front of the mirror or flailed around the apartment doing a series of Fortnite dance moves, from the Milly Rock to the Shoot. It has come in particularly handy the past few days. By the time I get to the virtual office at 9, I am already a champion. Win each day. Small wins, big wins, personal wins, community wins. Sometimes a smile to myself is a win. Win, win, win, win. To the best of your ability do not let the quality of your craft suffer as a result of this. Don’t get consumed by rage, control it to your benefit. May it fuel your fire and drive to dominate ….(for good, of course, dominate for good). Commit every moment you have air in your lungs to work towards attaining your full potential. Do it for the ancestors, do it for the victims, but most importantly do it for your self.
“Once you win, [you’ll] want more. Set a trend, need an encore. I was down on my last when I found myself. I’ll be a fighter ‘til the end, ‘til my last breath.” — Future
3. Don’t be discouraged. You’re tired, exhausted, beat down, but don’t be discouraged. Easier said than done, I know. Amidst the uproar, I hope you find your strengths, and focus on utilizing them to bring about short and/or longterm change. There are many ways to be part of the revolution. Protesting is one, emailing and calling Congress is another, creating content that tells black (and other marginalized people’s) stories is an option for the creative, completing your grad school applications for a Ph.D. in Sociology is an option for the scholarly. If you are having a hard time finding your superpower, do not underestimate the power of simply existing as a happy and successful black person in America. There might be some kid out there inspired watching you do you. Don’t stop doing whatever it is you have been doing behind the scenes all along to make this world a better place. Do not be discouraged in the absence of immediate change, do not stop.
4. Don’t stop communicating — honestly. Communication is the bridge we desperately need between communities; black, white, blue. Yes, it is frustrating and at times exhausting to speak on the subject of race in mixed company. All parties can feel the need to walk on eggshells, but we need open and honest dialogue to coexist and thrive as a society. Yesterday I facilitated a Quilt chat entitled Black in America where an attendee who had been raised in a “color-blind” Jewish household expressed that growing up, her parents told her “racism ended with our generation”. Seeing a black president, and successful black people all around her in New York City, she had no reason to question that notion. Now she sees differently. The ignorant cannot always be blamed for their ignorance. (Although if you or anyone you know might be suffering from ignorance, anything that Robin DiAngelo has ever written is a good starting point before casting the burden of educating on others). Lastly on the point of honest communication: check your friends when they are out of line with their comments, even when they are “just joking”. Unchecked behavior magnifies overtime.
5. Don’t stay plugged in when you’re tapped out. This might appear to contradict point #1, but it in fact compliments it; talk about it, be about it until you need a break. Pause, rinse, and repeat. Unplug when you need to from social media, from reading the articles and watching the videos, from talking about the subject in general. It might feel selfish and elicit guilt, but sometimes you need to fill your cup up so you can pour out to others from your overflow. This week I took a break from something seemingly unassociated — food. An 18-hour fast gave me the clarity, focus, and time I needed to tap into my inner strength and power through to Friday. Whatever you need to get centered, listen to your body.
Grieve in the best ways you know how. Cry when you want to, even if it feels weird crying over someone you never met or being unsure of why exactly you’re crying in the first place. Nurse your wounds of trauma, and if one incident triggers another, process that too. Feel the feels. Mute, unfriend, delete, unfollow, hell, hang up on anyone vexatious to your spirit. You can revisit the conversation when you gain the strength to go back and forth. If the echo chamber is what you need for peace of mind right now, echo chamber it is. Protect your space. Just don’t stay insulated for too long, it might breed a different kind of ignorance.
The issues we face as a society are a byproduct of long-term overlooked systemic inequality deeply rooted in America’s (and to a certain extent the world’s) historical, political, social, and even economic fabric. Both macro and seemingly unrelated micro-activities have led us to where we are now. When black women are described as “colorful cockroaches” on national television and there is no backlash or when the Commander in Chief retweets the notion that ‘The only good Democrat is a dead Democrat’, a subtext of violence and dehumanization is sustained. Dehumanization without repercussion intensifies overtime and unchallenged perpetrators gain too much power. Power to unabashedly crush a man in broad daylight in front of a recording audience as easily as one would perhaps a cockroach.
Many mainstream American narratives are flawed by underrepresentation, and misrepresentation in the media, in academia, in textbooks, in corporate, in history. These narratives have shaped our collective culture and seeped into our individual identities, behaviors, and subconscious biases. The revolution is to rewrite the narratives. The revolution can start with the person in the mirror; one person at a time. The revolution will be personal, historical, political, social, and even economic. It will be led by black activists, professors, teachers, doctors, lawyers, business owners, creatives, athletes, all winning in their fields. Teach them, hire them, train them, be them. Don’t ever stop. #CantStopWontStop.
Rest in Power George Floyd.
